


Just By Existing

by samariumwriting



Series: Trans Claude AU [1]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Golden Deer, Good Trans Feels, Grief, Mentor Byleth, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Trans Claude von Riegan, Trans Male Character, part one SPOILERS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-05
Packaged: 2020-08-10 00:02:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20126041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting/pseuds/samariumwriting
Summary: When Byleth starts at the Officer's Academy, they feel eyes on them. Someone is watching them, for some reason. As it turns out, their simple presence at the Academy has more of an impact than they ever expected.Claude has always felt like an outcast for almost every reason, with an identity he cannot explain. Byleth's position in the Academy, as a result, means the world to him.





	Just By Existing

**Author's Note:**

> I had so much fun and so many feelings writing this. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Byleth could feel eyes on them from the moment they stepped out of that house into the gaze of the three students. Not that they’d known, at the time, that they were students; the most they’d been able to guess was that they were rich, and that their appearance had worried their father somehow.

After the battle, on seeing the trio more and speaking to them, they assumed that the feeling of eyes on them came from Edelgard. She was the one who was appraising them for something or other, though all three of them clearly had been looking at them. They saw something in them, something important, for sure. And the feeling of being stared at remained.

And just like that, they were being asked to teach. After barely a conversation with a handful of people, they’d apparently been pushed to a high ranking position in a rather important school with a whole context Byleth had never encountered before. To say the least, they were feeling rather overwhelmed, but they had to keep going. Keep doing what they were expected to do.

It was not long after that they realised that it was, in fact, not Edelgard who had been fixing them with such persistent looks that they could feel it. No, Edelgard’s analytic stare was only apparent to them when they were talking to each other. The glances they’d been receiving were from Claude.

Claude was easy to speak to, they found, and speaking to the students he shared a class with, they felt decidedly intrigued. There was something open about their house. There were nobles and commoners, yes, and no more commoners than the Blue Lions house held, yet there was something friendlier about it all.

It wasn’t like Claude’s glances were unsettling as such. He was clearly just very curious about something, and the glances weren’t malicious or anything close to it. Just questioning. Maybe evaluating. And Byleth couldn’t work out why.

It surprised them that it took as long as it did for someone to ask, but the question did come when they were introduced to their new class.

“Pardon my forward question, Professor.” It was Lorenz who asked, and Byleth didn’t know the students that well at the time, but on reflection it was always going to have been Lorenz who asked. “But for the sake of etiquette, am I to refer to you as a gentleman or a lady?”

“Just as your professor is fine,” they said. They hoped no one would be persistent about it. They’d never experienced that before, and when they had they were pretty sure their father had taken whoever it was in question aside and given them a little talking-to. He couldn’t do that for them in this situation.

One of the students (Ignatz? Byleth wasn’t the best with names but they were pretty sure that was Ignatz) glanced at Claude. Claude was looking at them with a very strange look on his face. They didn’t quite understand what it meant. Not hostile, not confused, maybe...no. They couldn’t work it out.

“Great,” Claude said, breaking the momentary silence. “Well, folks, you heard them. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind being badgered about more curriculum relevant things, right Teach?” His gaze was still full of something Byleth couldn’t quite fathom, and when they nodded his face lit up with a smile.

Strange. They’d imagined it would take a bit of explaining before the students would really understand how they wanted to be addressed. Yet Claude had taken a single cue and got it right first time. It was odd, but not unwelcome. And judging by Claude’s response, they weren’t unwelcome with the Golden Deer either.

A couple of weeks passed, and Byleth began to catch a hint that there was more to Claude’s observation than simple curiosity. While Leonie spending time with their father was a given considering their history together, they spotted Claude and Jeralt together multiple times. When they asked their father what the young man wanted him for, their father only chuckled and gave a cryptic response.

“He just wanted to talk,” he said.

“What about?” they asked. They didn’t feel as if they were invading his privacy; he was the one who was talking to their father almost every other day.

“Nothing in particular, actually,” he said, a slightly thoughtful look on his face. “We talked a bit about his lessons, which meant you were mentioned, but it was small talk really. If it were anything you’d benefit from following him up on, I’d let you know.”

“Thanks,” they said. It wasn’t that they wanted to pry or anything, and if their curiosity was an invasion of privacy then they’d leave Claude be, but...they couldn’t help but be concerned about their students. For kids, they’d led rather difficult lives, as much as Byleth could tell. And while Claude seemed carefree, they wanted to be able to support all of them as best they could.

It was nearly a month before the topic came up again with their father, and all the while there was something about Claude. He was always watching them, always. And Byleth couldn’t understand the look on his face when he did. Or why he looked so embarrassed when they caught him looking. 

“I think I know why that student of yours is so enamoured with me,” he said one day, “but I don’t think it’s my place to say. If he thinks it’s important or he wants to tell you, I’m sure he will. And don’t worry about it, you don’t need to change a thing about how you teach him.”

They nodded, but that really didn’t answer the question of why Claude watched them so frequently. Was it something to do with them, or something to do with their father? Jeralt said not to be concerned, but they worried so much about the students they taught, especially now they spent time leading them into battles where their opponents could kill them.

The next time Byleth got a hint on the issue was after the minor disaster that was the Goddess’ Rite of Rebirth. In the wake of it all, they felt on edge, antsy, and exposed in a way they hadn’t wanted to be. There was something strange about the Sword of the Creator, and something unnerving about the way people had started looking at them now they could wield it. They much preferred melting into the background.

But their students were still so earnest, and admired them for reasons other than some barely tangible question of blood and crests, and there was no better example of that than when they met Lady Judith. The conversation was brief, but she mentioned that Claude had mentioned them to her before, and it was a boost to their confidence, in a way. It made them feel like they had use outside of whatever the Archbishop knew that she wasn’t telling them.

The other thing that was interesting about seeing Claude interact with someone who wasn’t part of the Academy, however, was...well. Byleth couldn’t quite fathom what was interesting or odd about the interaction, but there was something. There was very little they knew about Claude, really, when they thought about it. When they’d seen Judith, they’d immediately wondered if she was Claude’s mother, and yet…

There was certainly a familiarity between them. They’d never seen anyone talk down to Claude like that before, because most of the faculty and students in the academy were perhaps slightly too aware of his status. Yet Claude didn’t reject being treated in that way. It looked like, every time Judith called him “boy”, he didn’t mind it. He’d smiled at the term a few times, even.

Claude was quite the mystery, and Byleth felt like they were missing part of the picture that would let them understand why the young man seemed to admire them so much.

A handful more months came and went before Byleth started to understand the thing that Claude had picked up on and had been reacting to during their interactions from the very beginning. Their understanding came slowly at first; the occasional glances shot between class members that could mean anything, the stiffness in movement in Claude’s upper body when drilling with a new weapon.

But then it came all at once, in a rather unexpected way. In the wake of Flayn’s disappearance and renewed fears about the safety of students, each teacher was presented with a list of the students in their house. They had to call out the list every morning before lessons began and every afternoon once they resumed after lunch, and follow up on missing students immediately. It was a foolish system, because Byleth knew each student by name and face, including the Golden Deer who didn’t have the more in depth combat programme that the eight students they saw most frequently had.

There was absolutely no need to tell them to check, because they always noticed if a student was missing, and they usually knew why. Children of nobility often had to take a few days off to visit family members, to cover for them in their duties in the event of illness. The student from more humble backgrounds also returned home on occasion; just the week before, Leonie had returned for a week to help with her village’s harvest.

So they had their pointless list, and partway down the list was a name they didn’t recognise. Initially, they put it down to a transcription mistake, because the lists had probably been copied out in a hurry by someone who hadn’t had enough sleep. But who would write the wrong name down for the house leader, the one name on the list that the scribe was almost guaranteed to recognise?

And like that, it fell into place. Claude held his bow unusually far from his body. His uniform was tailored in a way unlike almost any other at the Academy. No well-fitted shirt or trousers, something Byleth had always presumed was for ease of movement rather than its real purpose, concealment. Claude didn’t like to join in when the others sparred at short notice, and he kept his voice quiet during any cathedral services he attended.

But most importantly, Claude had been wronged by whoever had decided to produce this list. Never once in the several months Byleth had been teaching at the academy had Claude been referred to by any student or staff member as the name on the sheet of paper in front of them. And now they had to work out what to do. Mostly they had to work out who to smite.

“Claude, could I borrow your time for a moment?” they asked at the end of the day’s lectures.

“Sure, Teach,” he replied, and stayed sat at his desk as everyone else quickly filtered out of the classroom. He didn’t look in the least bit concerned. “What did you want to ask?”

“As part of the increased precautions for student safety, I have a class register to take,” they explained. “I have a complaint about it but I thought I’d consult you before I went to anyone about it.”

“Ah, you didn’t need to do that,” he said with a shrug. “I’m not bothered if they switched the i and e in my name or anything like that. If you don’t like something they’ve done with the list, though, I trust your call on it.”

“They’ve used the wrong name for you on the list,” they said, and Claude’s easy smile hardened. He stopped swinging his legs under the desk. “I didn’t want to raise it if it’s something you keep on a personal level.” Claude had never even indicated to them that this was something they should be aware of before, but Byleth had become very aware over the past couple of months that their students had a lot of things that they’d rather their families didn’t know about.

“You don’t need to if that’s the only error,” he said. The usual carefree tone he took had vanished. Byleth got the keen sense they were seeing a Claude that not many people at the academy got to see. “Don’t go to the trouble of arguing with someone over something so small.”

“Would you like it to be changed?” they asked. “I’m not asking if you want me to go to someone over it, just if you want this list to read Claude.”

“...it would be better if it did,” he said. Byleth had never seen him look so uncomfortable in the whole time they’d been teaching him, and it made them angry. Angry that someone had made the mistake that led to this. Angry that something had been said to make him feel bad for talking about it.

“Then it will,” they said firmly. “Even if I have to rewrite the whole list myself, okay?”

Claude’s smile could have lit all the lamps in the room. “Thanks, Teach,” he said. “And...thanks for never mentioning it before, I guess. It’s not the easiest of conversations to have.”

“I wouldn’t have had cause to mention it before today,” they said. “I never would have imagined anyone gave you a name other than Claude.”

Scratch it, Claude’s smile could replace the light of the moon. “That means a lot,” he said, getting up to leave. “I’m really glad you’re here teaching our class, Professor.”

“Me too,” they said, smiling in return. Just as Claude was about to leave the classroom, something dawned on them. Claude’s interest in them was starting to make sense. “Oh, and Claude?” He paused in the doorway. “Byleth isn’t the name my father gave me when I was born. I chose it myself. I think Claude suits you as a name far better than anything anyone else came up with.”

At this point, Claude’s smile could outmatch the sun. He left without another word, but the look on his face told Byleth everything they needed to know. It was time to go and berate the record-keeper.

-

“Hey, Teach?” They’d known it was Claude from the knock, and his voice confirmed it. “D’you have time for a chat?”

They sighed quietly, so Claude wouldn’t hear from the other side of the door. They did have time. They always had time for their students, it just...wasn’t ever going to be a good time right now. They’d had a near-endless stream of visitors throughout the day, expressing their condolences. Now it was close to the middle of the night, and Claude was here. “Come in,” they called.

Claude pushed the door open sort of hesitantly, but he regained some of his usual confidence once he was inside. “Sorry to bother you so late,” he said, as if they both didn’t know that Byleth would be up a lot later than this. This heavy feeling in their heart did nothing to help them sleep. “I thought it would be good to talk.”

“Go ahead,” they said. They’d done a lot of listening today. It had been...heartening, they supposed, to hear how much their students had valued Jeralt and his presence. It made them feel less alone in their grief.

“Your father was a really great person,” he started. “I- when you started teaching our class felt really intimidated by you. You have a presence and you’re quite a mystery, I’ve told you that before, right? So anyway, I thought I’d talk to your father, because he seemed like a good guy.

“I don’t get on all that well with my dad. I was raised by him, sure, but he never understood. In his defence, I was a difficult kid and I was pretty hopeless with communicating, but he didn’t get me. So I suppose I was jealous. I wanted some of the support your father gave to you for myself, as well.”

Now, Byleth understood why Claude had spent so much time just idly chatting to their father. He’d seen him interact with them, seen the understanding he’d shown towards them. They hadn’t even considered how fortunate they were to have him. He was gone now. It still didn’t feel quite real. They kept replaying his final moments in their head over and over again but it still didn’t feel like it had actually happened.

“He was a good man,” they managed. “A good father.”

“Hey, now you sound like you’re consoling me,” Claude said. “I’m not the person who needs that right now. I was just trying to say that...his presence meant a lot to me. And he accepted me and all my differences without a second thought. Getting to interact with your father was more of a privilege than I can even express.”

“He told me once that he was too old for prejudice,” they said. They hadn’t realised at the time just how much their father had stuck to that creed, all through the time they’d known him. “I think he would have been glad to know how you felt.”

“Thanks, Teach,” he said. He shifted his weight and they sat in silence for a few moments. “Anyway, sorry to have bothered you. I know you have a lot on your mind right now, but I hope you can get some rest soon.”

“Thank you, Claude,” they said. “Get some sleep tonight, okay? And that’s a graded assignment.”

Claude chuckled, but the usual lightness wasn’t there. “Sure,” he said, and disappeared out of the door again. The stairs up to his room were to the right, but he turned left. Byleth didn’t follow him; he knew they all needed more time to process what had happened. If only time were infinite.

-

The bulk of Edelgard’s army was mere days away. Tensions were running high, understandably. Many of the students had fled home, and the classroom was at half its usual capacity, if not smaller. Leonie had snapped at Raphael that morning, and while small spats weren’t uncommon between classmates, they’d both made up unusually quickly. Everyone was stressed.

There was a real possibility that people would die in the battle that was to come. It was very real, and very close. Byleth was afraid; not for themselves, though that was a little concerning. No, they were afraid for their students. They were practically still children, and they were being forced to defend a single point against the largest army Fódlan had seen in any of their lifetimes.

They’d seen a lot of their students in the last few days. Training sessions late into the night, one on one coaching, hurried walkthroughs on the tactics that would be useful for defending the monastery. Byleth felt like they knew them better than ever, and their students were coming out with all kinds of heartwarming comments. It reminded them, constantly, how important it was that as many survived this battle as possible.

So, the night before the battle, when Claude came to speak to them, it wasn’t anything unusual. They’d spent so much time walking Claude through bow drill after bow drill that they were pretty sure he could do them backwards by this point, and they’d spent a lot of time in his tense but still cheerful company.

“Hey, Teach,” Claude said. He looked less smiley than normal. The fear was starting to get to all of them. “Though I suppose you won’t be my teacher for much longer. When was graduation meant to be, again?” He chuckled. They were meant to have taken the final exams last week. It hadn’t happened.

“Good evening, Claude,” they replied, indicating the seat at their desk while they moved to the chair they normally sat students in. No time like the present to start treating them all as equals. “Did you want to talk about something?”

“Yeah,” Claude said. He shifted his weight on the chair once, and then again. He was nervous; about to say something revealing about himself that he hadn’t rehearsed a hundred times. “I just wanted to thank you, Professor.”

“You don’t need to,” they said. Their students didn’t owe them anything for the effort they’d put in as a teacher and instructor. It was their job, and more importantly their pleasure, to see their students flourish. “Everything I’ve done was my job, and I don’t need any thanks for teaching such promising people. You included.”

“No, not thanks like that,” Claude said. He shifted his weight again. The social niceties Byleth had somehow managed to develop in the last year almost led them to suggest he take a cushion, but they knew it would only tell him that they’d noticed, and that would embarrass him. “I suppose it’s just thanks for existing.”

“What do you mean?” No one...no one had said anything like that to them in the last few weeks of heart to hearts.

“It’s kind of embarrassing, really,” he said. “But I’ve never known anyone like me before. People take me for my word, and all, but I’ve always been the first person someone meets who...yeah.” Claude was talking about that name on the register, then. “I’ve never even known how to articulate it before. How do I explain something to someone when I don’t even understand it myself?

“But now, if someone doesn’t understand me, I...I can say I’m like you, sort of. That the way I look or sound isn’t the way I want to be perceived. And they get it. After years of no one understanding, you’ve managed to create somewhere people can accept me by just existing.

“And I just wanted to say thanks, Teach- my friend, for being there. Because seeing you exist, and be successful, and built all these meaningful connections with people and be respected by people when none of them say a word about any of this- sorry.” Claude’s voice had choked up a little. “It made me feel so much less alone.”

“Claude?” they said, and Claude looked up from where he’d been determinedly staring at his hands. There were tears in his eyes. “Thank you. It means a lot to hear that from you. I know we never spoke about it, not really, but if you ever want to...I’m right here.”

Claude started crying then, and for a moment Byleth had no idea what to do. They weren’t used to seeing their students so vulnerable, not like this. But they stood up, and as gently as they could, put their arms around Claude’s shoulders. He pulled them closer, crying harder. “‘M sorry, Teach,” he said. “I swear I’m not upset. It just- makes me so happy to see you, out there, being successful. It makes me feel like I really can do anything if I put my mind to it.”

“And you can,” they said. “You can. If I can promise you anything, it’s that your skills and talents speak for themselves, Claude. Your fears won’t hold you back your whole life, and you’ll always be able to find people who understand you. I promise.”

Claude didn’t say anything in return, but when he pulled away from the hug, looking slightly embarrassed, he was smiling brighter than anything Byleth had ever seen before.

Maybe things were coming to an end with this battle. Maybe not everyone would make it out the other side. But if there was one thing Byleth knew with certainty, they’d made a difference to Claude’s life only by existing, and that was the only thing they needed to know.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :) if you, like me, have Feelings or Ideas about trans Claude, please leave a comment and I will respond as coherently as I can manage. I also have a twitter (@samariumwriting) where I frequently scream about my writing and Three Houses.


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